As I arrived here, I felt like a scared little bunny, wanting to go back crying to somewhere known, because everything was strange, big and intimidating.
I remember entering my new home for the first time, it was full with people dealing with moving out, and stuff from people who previously lived here. I remember going into the bathroom and seeing a huge Orlando Bloom poster (I was hoping that nobody would take it, and I could keep looking at it every day, and so it happened).
I remember seeing the girls, who lived here before us, how close they were, wishing I will find somebody and have such a beautiful bond, that these girls had.
For the first few days I couldn’t remember why I came here, I couldn’t find my place, at work I couldn’t find my place for a long time. The first time I felt home here was after our on arrival training, sitting on the bus on our way back, I felt like I’m going home, not just to some apartment.
Fall flew over my head with me barely noticing. I started to learn how to bake my own bread, read my first big roman in German, changed vacuum bags for the first time in my life, danced a lot, met a naked cat, and suddenly it was November, and my horse coat couldn’t keep me warm anymore.
Winter felt long and suspiciously quiet, like something big would happen, but then it didn’t. Meeting new people, saying goodbye to others, seeing people I know in strangers. Winter made me feel like this is my place, more than any other place, maybe it was just the comfort of friends, and the comfort of being a stranger at the same time.
My family visited me for Christmas, I took them to my favorite cemetery, showed them the city, we went to see Nordsee (we didn’t actually see the sea because of the fog and ebb haha), and spent the holidays together.
At the end of January, I was talking on the phone with friends, we talked about January taking ages to pass, I felt like I was aging 6 years every week of January, then one of them said that February is for hope. I realised that in the past months I completely forgot to hope.
He reminded me how important it is to hope, even if only for silly stuff. So in February I hoped a lot, and had huge homesickness. I never experienced homesickness in my life before coming here, so I’m not sure how to handle it, for now I’m just feeling it, waiting to visit Hungary in April.
Lately I’ve been feeling a little down, waiting to finish my volunteering, which I’m upset about, since I want to enjoy my time here, but at the moment I can’t change my feelings.
In the past months we worked a lot on our apartment to make it feel more and more like a home. Lately I haven’t been feeling very good here, I don’t feel home, but I guess it comes in waves.
I always hated Sundays, even as a child, they were always filled with frustration, but during my time here I really adapted the mentality that Sonntag ist Ruhetag, and I hope I can take this home with me. I also very much enjoy paying with euros…
Volunteeringwise, I took a long time to feel somewhat comfortable at my workplace, and learn how I can do my best to help. I’m still learning it, and hopefully I’m better. I have my worse and better days, and it’s also hard because I work with a lot of people, which is also very new for me, sometimes hard to handle, but I believe I’m feeling and doing better there.
I always liked winter, but after this German Winter I am very excited for spring, and to spend it here. (:
Luca is hosted by Freie Waldorfschule Bremen on our project co-funded by the European Union.